Xarin's Blog

Reconciliation

So many wars were fought in the name of the isle's purity. It makes my stomach churn to think that Eoni-Gai had to face so much bloodshed in the early years. Admittedly I can't say all of it was unjustified, as with the story Xio led with, some people just wanted to plunder the caverns because they believed it an inert gemstone that would make them rich.

I worry, however, that we often glorify the xenophobia of our ancestors to justify it in the present. I miss being able to see other people, other creatures that weren't just Eonian. Having people to talk to, sharing experiences that they've had. They meant no harm, and for a time folks like that were allowed to the islands, freely welcomed by Eonians to ask questions and take their time.

Xio seems to misunderstand the point about me trying to be home to folks. Yes, I want to meet people, to greet them and make them comfortable, it's only natural to have a little pride in oneself after all. However, the threats of the past are just that, threats of the past, and we cannot move forward with this constant isolationist behavior of "shielding" our homes from outsiders.

How does one understand those besides their own kind if they do not talk to them? If they do not attempt to understand?

That's why I pay little heed to those who say they follow the old belief system under FiMon. They have forgotten the key tenet, that understanding is our utmost goal. I can't say I enjoy being harassed, being threatened and told I'm not suited to carry on Eoni-Gai's legacy, but it does show me who exactly to watch out for, and who not to believe when they declare their faith!

Xio mentioned Sushui's Banishment as an example of us outcasting our own as a display of Xenophobia, and I couldn't agree more with it being a good example of such..

The story goes that Sushui was a brilliant innovator, finding new ways to steadily improve our way of life, and attending to Eoni-Gai's needs all the same. She helped refine Nox'ilim's calendar of harvests, she improved upon the controlled burn schedules for Eoni-Gai's sake, and she established the new way of building homes. She focused her efforts on living not just between the trees, but within them, even helping grow what most Eonians would call the palace, which was our childhood home!

But, according to the stories told, Sushui's innovations bothered the elders at the time. She was working to develop ways to utilize the broken crystals from a recent raid on Eoni-Gai. The elders argued it was sacrilegious, and that Eoni-Gai should be the only one to handle said crystals. That being said, the crystals become useless to her once they're broken off, so what she had been doing was setting them aside in a different cavern so the space around her heart remained clear and easy to access.

So Sushui went and built something anyway, gathering just three crystals to create a means to make artificial souls. Basically it was a small generator taking the leftover data in the broken crystals, randomizing it to create "new" experiences, and then channeling that into small, concentrated pools of code that mimicked the makeup of an actual soul, to the point where the simulation would recognize it as a soul and generate a shell for that data.

And they called it an abomination… They called a new way to feed their people an abomination. Just like they call me, someone whose primary goal is to ensure they have a new home to return to, an honorary place to bury their dead and to harbor the Blighted, an abomination.

Sushui's ideas, much like my mother's, had been banished from the isle, because they weren't in line with what everyone else was thinking. That fear of the new will be the death of Eonians if things don't change soon. Xio knows this, thank goodness, and is going to pursue more varied experiences of her own. I couldn't be prouder of her for trying to, and now that I know she sees these kinda things, well…

But that doesn't excuse everyone from the harms we continue to commit out of the fear of others. It doesn't excuse the vitriol some have for anybody who's different to them. It doesn't excuse the sheer rejection of others because of a few differences to what they had known.

It doesn't excuse the exclusionary efforts to isolate myself and other Eonians even further. And if we are all human either way, then we should know better! We should be better than this and be able to learn new behaviors! There's nothing stopping us this time! No excuse means no excuse!

Yet, they're so stubborn.. Constantly saying that it's against tradition, or an aberration from nature. We weren't even born to the natural world, we're purely digital! They seem to conveniently forget that. Everyone wants to stay in this bubble of not having to acknowledge the difference in others, it's easier that way, makes reality a more sustainable construct rather than having to deal with all the little nuances that make life complicated while still maintaining an illusion that they're the earth's most perfect person when in reality that's far from the case. Honestly, I could ramble on on that point and there'd never be an end to this page..

But that's not what I'm here to do. Focus Xarin, focus.

Eonians, as a fully digital construct, have been isolated, despite our original purpose of being NPCs to populate the world and make it feel less empty. Suppose clinging to these xenophobic ideas are a holdover from the original fantasy stories that helped inspire SCM's programmers. Not an excuse, but an explanation.

Xio is right to question what we do to undo those biases, what can one do to unlearn bias and re-learn compassion towards those unlike them. And she's taking a good first step, focusing on popping her little bubble. I've done some of the same, though with chat rooms and video calls rather than seeing people in person. A lot of folks question why I can't come to visit, and I have to explain the whole "living island must stay on the island itself" bit.. I can occasionally travel, very rarely, and I'm trying to save that strength for when Xio graduates in about two years. (She's still under the impression I'm not going cause I have to stay. It's a surprise for her.)

But that is beside my point. It takes effort to unlearn things, to really branch out, and if Eonians could make that effort, its possible we could undo some of the structure and really embody the core tenets so many are clinging to as an end-all-be-all. If we want to understand, we must branch out and listen, experience different things, different people, and put together a life for ourselves that isn't isolated from the existence of others.

I can hear the booing from here on that front, but it's another reason why I send people away from the island. Unless they cannot take greater care of themself, or need some time to heal from injuries, I generally turn people away, which has fed into some of the rumours of me being unfit, but I digress. Encouraging the growth of Eonians is just one small way I feel I have an impact beyond the shores of the isle. It is how I come to see the rest of the world, after all, and really embody Eoni-Gai's last wish.

Neither our parents nor Xio were on the island when Eoni-Gai passed, but I was there, I could be there. I was speaking with her about what she wanted to do next, and..

She was really quiet, for a moment, when she looked at me.

I asked what she meant, and she elaborated that she was tired of only hearing Eonians talk about the world, and how my dad spoke about the world fascinated her. She had hoped more strangers would find the island before it was too late, but besides my aunts and uncles, she only really had Eonian perspectives. She said it felt like something was missing in that moment, like she had missed out, and that was why it was so important to her to nuture us twins.

She wanted us to do what she never had the chance to, and for our own purposes as well as getting to know what it meant to be alive.

Reconciling our differences with Eonians, with humans, that was part of what she meant. Understanding what it means to be alive means understanding that everyone has a different experience being alive. I guess I never really gave Xio or myself that much credit, when the initial impression was that we were just coded NPCs.. I figured it was pointless to see ourselves as being like anybody else, but, looking back on it, maybe it was the wrong approach. I'm almost happy to admit I was wrong. Almost.

It feels weird now, knowing that Eoni-Gai was able to talk about being alive, from her vast wealth of experiences that she had gained from others, from interacting with others..Is that why Xio feels more alive, more willing to make these branching conclusions? Knowing that if she is wrong, she can always change her mind?

I guess the old philosophers were right, what was the saying? "I think therefore, I am." René Descartes, from the 16th century. Even for as young as humanity was he had a point that still sticks around today. That's quite literally the principle for some slime-based creatures to exist! If they stop thinking, they die..

In a way, much like any coded in creature would die if their code stopped running. Their thoughts would die out and be lost. Even if we are just code, I think that maybe, just maybe, we're more alive than we were ever intended to be. And maybe that's why Dad keeps disappearing. He wants to preserve the lives we live and show us a world he has always known, because what father wouldn't want his children to have the best of all worlds?

Xio certainly picked the right major if this is where we're headed. I'm a Comp Sci major, and she's doing Religious studies with a Philosophy Minor.. Both of us are doing a lot, but in very different directions, examining very different aspects of our reality.

Maybe it says more about me that I was surprised to see her go that route, it's always been a fascination of hers. Besides from her glass blowing classes, she's always been the one to ask the questions about rituals and religion and what people think and why they think. Dad wasn't always amused when she asked about his duties as a local chaplain, and why he did what he did.

Meanwhile, I suppose since I was stuck where I was I had a knack for coding, for figuring out the how things worked rather than the why. I wanted to know what bound me here, and from there how others worked as well. I didn't really mind the whys, just the hows.

As twins, I guess that makes us well rounded, as we can compare notes and maybe snark on each other a little. Stars know Xio would if I ever dipped my toes into her field of study beyond what I'm doing here. Love her, but we both know that this little back and forth has been some petty rivalry.

What she didn't know, until she reads this, is that I stole a couple of images from her gallery and have been yoinking her system camera from time to time to take pictures. I do worry sometimes after these posts, so I do take the time to make sure she's OK that way.

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