Xarin's Blog

The Position of Man

I'm going to try and approach this as clearly as I possibly can, but by the fucking stars I am pissed off. This ignorance just- it hurts me. I hate it and it hurts me, but here we go.

Men have been put in the place of human women when it comes to culture. Eonians see men as the weaker of the two sexes, incapable of handling the decision making, unable to live lives outside of the home, or outside of the world of pleasure and comfort-folk. It has been a point in Eonian history to ensure men stay linked to women, with the referral of "This is [Woman]'s Husband" as a title. Husband is often used as a title, and Simp a name of honor in the past centuries. Left Hand Man was a referral to a Husband, and any Lady of the House would be ashamed if her Husband cuckolded her by sleeping with another woman, if that woman even allowed it.

Since Eonians remain a Monarchy, it's noted Men have never had a strong political say unless a Queen died before her daughter was able to take the throne, and then when the child came of age, the King would step down into the position of what is called "Hon-Qui", translated roughly into "Husband of the Kingdom". That man would never be allowed to marry again without his daughter's explicit permission, and no other man would be allowed to speak with him, essentially isolating him from any support system, and from any other source of love. Because obviously no man can outshine a woman, nor can he offer any kind of helpful advice. That was genuinely the attitude at the time.

And for some, it still is the attitude. Extending beyond the Monarchy, the men in the villages and in meetings were sent away to handle the children, to school their children in the ways of the Matriarchy. Little boys were told to keep their hands off the little girls, told to watch their fathers cook while Mothers taught their Daughters to bookkeep, and what good decision-making skills were necessary to "take care of your brother and father."

I have seen countless stories of men being rejected from jobs in Eonian cities simply because it is thought they cannot do the math, or learn the skills required to lead. I have heard stories of Eonian women "accidentally" insulting gay couples, including some who are the leaders of mainland City-States, because "which among them has capacity to bring forth life amongst them?", meanwhile leaving lesbian couples and even encouraging them to seek artificial insemination so they can raise "strong enough" children.

Hearing stories of other men putting up with the slop that women have thrown onto us upsets me. And it upsets me even more to think Xiomara believes just being told that "oh, then I'll tell them to refer to you by name" from one Queen decades ago is enough to undo every slur and the cemented idea that men cannot be wise, cannot lead a city, cannot be maternal and support others, that men have no talents outside of pleasure and beauty— It's an insult.

Yes, historically, there have been figures to help Eonian men, but studying them and simply saying "that was enough progress" does not change the present. There is a lack of studies on masculine Eonian physiology that actively causes issues with education and treatment of male Eonians. There's this constant pass for male to female transitioning Eonians because "who wouldn't want to be female?" while female to male Eonians are told to seek therapy, and sometimes to consider intensive sex work first to ensure that that is the life they truly want.

Many Eonians also believe men have it so much easier, including in the world of pleasure, simply because we do not "need" to fend for ourselves as much as women do. According to the traditional societies, we do not need to compete, we can take pleasure in sticking around our fellow men and banding together, because "all men are beautiful, pleasurable creatures, they are idle and lonely without their cliques".

I've, personally, had to wrangle with my own doubts about taking care of what is essentially an extension of my own body, thanks to the rumours amongst Eonians on the island. Other men, women, even children asking questions about my ability. Questioning "is he strong enough? I'm surprised the island is still growing." "Poor thing must need a wife, no? He can't do this all on his own." "Is he making the right choices? Can he? How can he understand a woman's place if he has never lived with one in his home? Can he even meet a woman's needs?" "He must be so stressed, have to wonder if he knows the sweet pleasures of simply letting a strong, capable woman save him from his troubles?"

But I am getting ahead of myself, that's not the only thing there is to the whole issue of misandry within Eonian culture. I know there are plenty of other examples within our history books that I could cite, but I'd much rather focus on a more modern instance.

Which leads me to a story of our own, one Xiomara has forgotten to mention, because it is not yet a part of our history books.

The court of public opinion just so happened to side with the clerk, especially after they made it known that Yaldaboath had spoken up more than Sarothi had. For months, despite their best attempts, Sarothi was dragged within Eonian circles, and Yaldaboath was relentlessly harassed. Both sexually and verbally. While Eonians had simply seen Sarothi as being cucked by Yaldaboath, Yaldaboath was being called several different things.

Sex deprived, isolated, acting-out bastard, a man without pleasure, a man in need of a woman to show him his place. "Entitled Male Makes Off With Washed-Up Queen", "History's First: A King Who Doesn't Take No As An Answer", "Men Who Don't Know Their Place; Yaldabaoth, bad fit for King?"

Thousands of articles speculating on whether or not he was also transgender, whether or not he was sexually confused, mentally deficient, all kinds of speculation surrounding him and my mother. Hateful rumours, comments about their bodies, their work, their lives in general..All because Yaldaboath had been the one to sign the paperwork in the order that he was marrying Sarothi, and not the other way around. It shouldn't have mattered either way!

It came to a close, according to them, when everyone found out that he had been the one to give birth to me and Xiomara. Somehow, the press went silent, considering that an assumed human man had given birth to two healthy children could only mean one thing. Then, there were a few retractions of certain articles, and other articles published declaring the Royal Family as being as whole and strong as ever. That the children would be such a joy for Eonians, and that they were in a healthy family that could withstand the struggles of growing together in the spotlight.

On some level, it feels like the clerk was using Sarothi's disability as a shield to hide their misandry, having become more embarrassed each time they were caught blaming one issue or the other. For a lot of the problems within the sexist beliefs of Eonian culture, people think it can all be hand-waved just because there's a disability paired with it. A man needs to stay home because of chronic migraines? Oh, that's just a man being a man and dramatic, just let him stay home anyways and he'll be fine, or some other shit like that. It actively prevents some men from getting the medical help they need because the belief has been ingrained in them that they already are being accommodated, as they can sit back and rest at home while their wives take care of everything else, when that's not really the case. Not only is home-management a full-time job, but everyone, disability or not, deserves a good quality of life, with treatment for illnesses and issues that prevent them from living the life they want, without judgement for being "lazy", "dramatic", or "high-maintenance".

That's just the kind of thing I have to contend with for the rest of my life, and just assuming that some historical figures working to help the representation of men in the past, or that we should be satisfied because of where we stand in the moment, where we're harassed everyday, underpaid by fellow Eonians, treated as less capable (and more impulsive) simply because of our assigned sex.

She doesn't see a lot of what goes on behind closed doors, so to speak. She doesn't see the Eonians glaring at me, the nasty comments under breaths about men being incapable, and she certainly doesn't see how "love-meets" are dehumanized as sluts for women's pleasure and their pleasure alone. The drastic difference in medical care for men and women, given men are supposed to be the tough, hardy types that don't need medicine for anything. I don't think she's really aware of her own privileges either. She doesn't have to look over her shoulder on the island, and doesn't have to defend herself from unwanted and untoward comments about being "hung" or being assaulted.

I think she's got a long way to come from her ignorance, especially considering she's the more sheltered of the two of us. I have had to interact with Eonians everyday, while she still lives in Dad's old house, isolated, studying a walking distance away from her college campus. I asked her to come this week to help me with some particularly unruly folks. They listened to her immediately when she asked them to leave. It took me calling her to get rid of them despite my best efforts to assert myself, just because they couldn't respect my boundaries as a man.

I need her to think about that more, especially given how often she shoots me down when she hasn't done half the research herself!

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